The Hero of Your Cosmic Journey

Updated: Apr 29

Prompt:

Write about a situation that cracked you wide open. How did you become the hero of that story? What lessons did you learn? How can you continue to embody those lessons one they’ve been integrated?


Suggestions:

Do an audio journal, video journal, or write in short story or poetic format.


I fell into a dark rabbit hole, grasping for Cheshire cat who laughed mischievously as he disappeared, uncertain how I arrived in this place, if I was headed up, down, or if any direction existed at all in the unknown Wonderland abyss. My newly built foundation became a void in which I was floating around, aimless and breathless as I was pummeled by the debris caused by the sudden upheaval.


Feelings of anger, fear, anguish, and helplessness threatened to tear me apart from the inside out. Questions of how? Why? How could he? How dare he? Why was this allowed to happen? How is there any truth, fairness, or justice in the allegations made against me with zero evidence to back up the claims? None of what was happening felt like it had anything to do with what was best for our daughter; it was intended to hurt me without consideration for how anything would affect Evelyn. For weeks, I felt victimized by the court system, betrayed by someone I thought I could finally trust, and confused by the bombardment of lies the other person was trying to twist into my head in the form of gaslighting.


The situation required me to rely on my internal compass to stay in integrity. I had to bring forth my own hidden inner strength to stand in my power and speak my truth without giving my energy away to events out of my control. There were times when I was tempted to engage in the battle of he said/she said. I could have chosen to take every piece of stored ammunition and used it to destroy the other person.


However, I decided that it was better to channel my pain into creative pursuits. I wrote several poems, short stories, and daily affirmations. I spoke with my parents, friends, and family nearly every day to receive emotional support. When I had my daughter, we would create interactive play stories together to help us process the sudden changes that we were both experiencing. I created a new art piece with soothing energies intended to calm inner chaos.

The initial upheaval was traumatizing, but the process of illuminating, rewriting, and releasing allowed me to manifest a positive outcome that had a deeply healing impact. I learned to speak up for myself, to say THIS IS ME. THIS IS WHAT I WANT. THIS IS WHAT I AM WILLING AND ABLE TO GIVE. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ALLOWED TO TELL MY STORY. I AM THE HERO OF MY OWN COSMIC JOURNEY. I AM PROUD OF HOW FAR I HAVE COME. I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM.


I learned what it meant to stand strong in my power without taking power away from others. Even as I sat in court while I was being berated by an attorney, I continually shifted the conversation to discussing what was best for Evelyn. Neither party could prove that the personal accusations were true or untrue except for one person's word against the other's. I couldn’t control what the other person was going to do or say, but I had the power to speak about what was truly important in the moment.


The final and possibly most important lesson I learned was in forgiveness. Throughout my journey of healing, I’ve had to learn radical forgiveness of myself and others for events that some might consider unforgiveable. One of my favorite quotes is from Mel Robbins. She said, “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” It’s so important to remember that when I forgive others’ transgressions against me, it’s not for their benefit, but for my own.

"Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." -Mel Robbins

I’m still learning how to forgive my daughter’s father for the hurt he caused. It’s a daily process of letting go. It's about healing the places of pain to create space for peace. One way I practice forgiveness is by doing something called a Zebra Ritual. Each month, (or more frequently if needed), I pick a person I’ve been angry with or hurt by and I write down at least three of their positive attributes. Beneath the first list, I write at least three things I dislike about them. During a full moon or new moon, I tear off the bottom half of the page and burn it, releasing the negativity in the process. I was initially resistant to trying this exercise because I thought there was absolutely nothing positive about the father of my child. It took me several attempts before I was able to start a list of positive attributes. By the time I completed Zebra Ritual, I had written on the paper seven things I appreciate about Stone. I was only able to come up with four things I dislike about him. What helped was remembering that he isn’t loyal and considerate all the time, but he has shown those traits at times. Since burning the negative trait list, I’ve had more freedom in my heart space in place of the anger. I've had a better peace of mind.



Leave a comment below. What came up for you during this journal exercise? What methods did you use? I encourage you to use this journaling technique often to free yourself of limitations, rewrite your story, and create your dream life.

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